It has been a strange few weeks over here in Nici land. I returned home from hosting our collaboration retreat in Portugal and almost immediately became struck down with some sort of weird flu / virus. Oh my goodness, how it has lingered. The irony isn’t lost on me that I spend my life creating and crafting ceremonies of initiation, when in fact there’s nothing quite like being bed stricken to take you to your edge – and back again.
During this time, my little world moved through an important anniversary – eight years since my beloved Mum died. And while I was being quieter than ever curled up at home watching all three series of Bridgerton (thank you Instagram community for that resounding recommendation), my online life started speeding up.
Now this has only happened once before, this Instagram viral thing I mean, but this time it was different. This time a beautiful photo of my darling Mum Lizzie, skin on show, bump out (i.e. ME!), and smiling in front of some very 80s wallpaper made its way in front of over 200,000 pairs of eyes… and counting.
I’ve spent hours pouring over the hundreds of comments, so deeply humbled and touched that my quickly written, straight-from-the-heart words could mean so much to people. Then again, as I read them back they even comfort me and I’m the one who wrote them.
So since I’m still trying to take it gently after using my little bit of restored energy celebrating the Summer Solstice last night with Nick Mulvey, I thought I’d use this week’s newsletter to share my words again.
Written on 8th June in honour of my Mum’s death in 2016.
Oh my, how much I love this woman! There she is. Brave, open hearted and loving. And I’m right there in her belly. 80s wallpaper in the back ground. About to come into this life - forever Lizzie’s daughter.
It’s been eight years since she died. Many more since she became unwell with severe depression. But today all I remember is her radiance.
Everything beautiful in my life is because of her - strangely in both her life and her death. I am beyond grateful for her love while she was alive but in honesty our relationship in the last eight years has transformed me more.
All that I am is because of her love, guidance, initiations and sacrifice. She beats in my heart now more strongly than ever. I feel her in the wind, the sun, the flowers, the trees, the songs. I see her in my friends, my soul sisters, my beloved and my family.
I know she’s up there. Keeping my babies company until they’re ripe to come down. I trust her with all that I am. I feel so lucky to always be your daughter. Love you Mum.
Thank you for being here beloved community.